Come Home
We don’t see you around much anymore.
I still remember when you first told us about him. You came running to us, eyes wide, barely able to contain your excitement—“I think I like him.”
That moment always makes me nervous.
It never ends well for you. And honestly? It never ends well for us either.
I can already picture what comes next: you showing up with tears streaming down your cheeks, skin now sticky and shining from the layers of serums and creams. We hate seeing you like that. But a small, selfish part of us feels relieved. It gives us hope—maybe this time it’s finally over, maybe this time you’ll leave him.
But you rarely do.
You come to us for comfort, to be seen, to feel what he can’t give you. And once you’ve steadied yourself, the amnesia kicks in. You return to him like nothing ever happened, like he never made you cry in the first place.
It scares us how easily you bend around him, how your every thought, every choice, now seems dictated by his moods.
I started reading about cults the other day.
Did you know a cult can be just one leader and one follower?
It’s hard to tell the difference sometimes—between what you’re in and what the textbooks describe:
“A leader who inspires both love and fear.
A transcendent belief system—not always religious—offering purpose and commitment.
A system of control.
An engine of guilt.
A framework of influence.”
You think you’re in love. But from where we’re standing, it looks a lot like worship.
It always starts smooth, the 3 month honeymoon phase. It’s so wonderful to see you so happy and appreciated. You are glowing.
We enjoy sitting in your room as we watch you get ready for yet another big date. And yes, we will give our opinions about what top is better and what makes your ass look nice. We will be there to let you know that you have nothing to worry about, that he is a man and will not notice the very little pimple next to your left eyebrow.
We know it probably would not last and that we will most probably be in the same position again but for another man. But, it doesn’t matter.
He is so lucky. If only he knew about the every single “everything showers” and the contorted positions you put yourself in to shave every single crevice. The tweezers to remove any hair that is not wanted on the face. The face masks and the expensive moisturisers.
How meticulously you put that eyeliner on and the many minutes you stand in your underwear to find an outfit that will take his breath away but “effortlessly”. Panties also strategically thought about in case things get heated.
We kiss you goodbye and wish you a wonderful evening, to be safe and let us know if you ever need anything. Your perfume lingers as you run off to make it on time.
Then there comes the moment you bring him around and you are proud to introduce him to your friends. As we all smile politely and silently observe him. We read his every move, his choice of words, and how he positions himself in the environment. All silently sitting there, watching him like hawks.
You seat next to him, your eyes peeled on his face, in awe. You look at us sometimes, like you’re trying to say “Isn’t he great?” with no words. Well, my darling, we’re trying to figure that out.
Any red flags arise, we do not want to upset or alarm you. So, we discuss amongst ourselves to see if this is something worth bringing up to you and will protect you or was it something we were overthinking. Even if we did, will the way you see him change truly?
You seem so happy, who are we to yuck your yum?
Slowly but surely, you come to drinks every other time, now. Then it’s a couple of times a month. We check in to see if everything’s alright, “I am just super busy at the moment”. When we do convince you to come out, it’s hard to talk to you.
You’re somewhere else. You glance at your phone every few minutes, debating when is an acceptable time to ditch your friends. You’re anxiously awaiting to be back with him. I sit a few chairs away from you and can predict when —
Alright, guys well I’m going to go. Yeah, sorry, he’s waiting at home. It was so lovely to see you all, missed you guys!
And poof you disappear, Lord knows when we’ll see you again.
The big fight.
Eyes bloodshot and snotty. A full nervous breakdown, a whole lot of confusion and deep pain. Where is this coming from? You wonder. How could he say such things?
Many questions are thrown our way, as we rub your back and tell you that it’s going to be okay. Yet, we let you know firmly, that what he did or said is not okay, that no one who loves and respect you would say such things even out of anger.
You’re better off ending it now, we all say.
That very sentence makes you perk up, you wipe your tears with the back of your hand.
But I guess it’s my fault as well, I shouldn’t have, you know?
And many excuses and self-blame regurgitated out of your mouth because this was now something you’ve got to protect. But, it is too late, we have made up our minds about him.
Everything has settled, you’re all happy again. We still don’t see you as much but at least, you seem okay. The hangouts are still cut short and getting you to do anything is close to impossible.
He can come, we sigh and say. And he does.
We all can’t stand him, we notice more and more behaviours that we can not believe you are unable to notice or able to just ignore.
He comes to everything now, and it genuinely changes the dynamic. But it’s the only way we get to see you.
The only times we have you to ourselves is when you are crying. You are hurting because of something else he’s said. We’re getting worried, it’s getting worse.
Now the pain is showing on your face and body, you look ill and tired.
Now you seriously contemplate on leaving and we’re ready when you are to comfort you when the time comes, to be there no matter what.
We can put aside the fact that you didn’t give us any of your time these past few months and only came for help. But we love you and it’s unconditional. You know this and eventually you’ll use it against us.
Your life is crumbling apart, your relationships deteriorating , you have lost all control to save the very thing causing it all.
But guys, we talked it out, it’s going to be okay. He said he was sorry and it will never happen again. Trust me, I have it all under control.
You don’t. Look around you, everything is burning.
It does happen again and it comes tenfold, we are seriously worried, we fear for your life. We fear he may hurt you beyond words or push it so far you wind up hurting yourself.
You come and run back. Come and run back. Come and run back.
The same words are repeated by us, in hopes to wake you up. You listen so intently to the advice and even agree. But you run right back.
We try to remind you of who you are before all of this before him, to pick the pieces up of all the self-esteem he has shattered, struggling to hold it up in front of you. Reminding you of how wonderful you are. How talented, beautiful. Your achievements and what you can achieve. The future ahead of you. Try our best to help you picture what life can be like, if you just left.
For a tiny moment, you too have hope. And you will motivated and empowered.
But something always happens where you let yourself back in.
I think you fail to understand that we are now all involved. We may not feel the pain you are enduring but we feel some of it too. Because we love you. We now live in fear for you. Anxious that the next phone call won’t come from you but someone announcing that things took a dark turn.
That he has successfully won.
It comes to a point where it has become too much to handle. We are put in a position where we do not want to know but we fear that leaving you alone might isolate you and tighten his grip on you.
We feel guilt for putting boundaries, you make us feel like bad friends. But we have done what we could.
The boundaries bring out a side of you we have never seen before, something we know is his doing. The aspects of him, you always said you hated, you start showing signs of those too.
You start lying in order to clumsily try to keep your friends and him around. You manipulate when the lies don’t work anymore, gaslighting us into thinking we are cunts for not letting you be.
Who are we to judge your personal life? You ask over and over again.
You put us here. You put us here. You put us here.
There comes to a point, where you are no longer a victim. If your life isn’t threatened if you leave, you have the choice to walk.
I empathise with you and understand the strong emotional pull the relationship can have. But, you must see things for how they are. Accept that your life will remain the way it is if you stay. No matter how many new friends you get or how many jobs you apply for.
It may be too late when you do decide to wake up and do the right thing.
When we’ve all moved on and think we were just a source of comfort for you. That we’ve come to a point that we think we were never truly your friends and that we are filler people for whatever relationship comes your way.
That’s the reason why we are holding on, to avoid it to be that way.
If only you could see the way we see you. How exceptional you once were and still are, and how you made all of our lives better.
You are so loved. You are so loved. You are so loved.
Come home when you feel ready, there’s a space on the couch for you.
V.B, Napoli, June 2025
