God only ever seems close when I’m in pain or afraid and for that I feel guilty. The moment something goes wrong, I come crawling back. It’s almost ritualistic now, the way I mentally escape, fleeing as far as my mind can stretch. The furthest place it can imagine, that’s where I believe God […]
It was just him and I, out on the front porch, having a night cap. He is my mother’s living proof of “third time’s the charm”, first came the husband who died, second came the abusive narcissist and last came this one. To put it simply a lovely British man who says yes to […]
“Virgin Slut” was a term I came up with whilst trying to describe what type of dress I wanted to buy in Napoli for the day I was going to spend on the Amalfi coast. I wanted to feel like a nun with big breasts under her habit as her cross bounces off her […]
I’m smoking a cigarette at the kitchen table ashing into a used glass of wine with dried up residue. In front of me, beautiful Naples. My brother’s apartment is on the top floor, overlooking old uneven buildings in different shades of yellow. Occasional flocks of birds fly past yet the chirping sounds are constant. […]
We don’t see you around much anymore.I still remember when you first told us about him. You came running to us, eyes wide, barely able to contain your excitement—“I think I like him.” That moment always makes me nervous.It never ends well for you. And honestly? It never ends well for us either. I […]
It only feels like yesterday when I walked into my room in the 11th arrondissement. Freshly eighteen, perky with eyes that still twinkled with ambition and hope. I don’t remember when I fell in love with the idea of living in Paris but somewhere in this heart of mine, I knew that I would […]
“I think we’re done here. I don’t think we need to schedule another appointment for the moment. It really feels like you’ve got it under control. I’m truly impressed by your progress. Call me if you need me, but I feel like you’re doing just fine.” When these words came out of my therapist’s […]
Death has been a constant in my life. Unlike many my age, I have grieved many, many times—so many times, it is now a very familiar feeling. A constant reminder of how fragile life is, and, well, also an awful reminder that I have no idea what’s on the other side. Will a bearded […]
Sometimes I wish I could fuck my bed. Not in a weird way. Not like, “Oh my God, this memory foam is so sexy.” No. I mean it in the way that if my bed were a person, I would marry it immediately. I would drop to one knee and say, “You have seen […]
Right after my most recent break up, I had my “I just want to have fun and keep things light” phase which meant me dating multiple people and not expecting anything serious. I wanted to be the Cool Girl: free, spontaneous and maybe a little reckless but like, in a hot way. You’d think […]
